I can do it! I must do it!!!

assalamualaikum.... semalam petang me n hubby pegi jumpa prof to followup about my fertility matter again.. this time, we mintak prof to comment on the 2 beta hcg tests yang dah buat hari tu cause dua2 result sama <1.2 mlU/ml.. for pregnant level usually 2 - 15mlU/ml... sedey bila prof said "emm.. nampaknye tak ade persenyawaan masa but iui hari tu. it's either telur tak pecah sepenuhnya or may be although telur tapi kosong"... huh!! sedey sangat bila dengar prof cakap macam tu... rasa nak menangis aje but try to tahan.. hubby nampak air mataku berlinang aje... suddenly, there's a pause in the doctor's room... may be prof pun paham i'm feeling down at that moment... prof explained further on the problem... now i start to realise how serious is PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome) .... one thing i learned about PCOS's patient is kalu kite period, tak semestinya means subur... although telur byk mana keluar, it doesn't ensure that telur tu ade quality... hish, macam2 rupanye jenis2 penyakit nie... so, the next step for my problem, prof advise me to reduce my weight... he want me to reduce 4kg within 2 months... memang la payah.. but when i think hard about my health and having a family, i think i have to think seriously.. kalu tak, sampai bila nak solve this problem... beside that, prof ade kasi reductil and increase my metaformin level to help me to reduce my weight... what i need to do now is to eat healthy and nutritious food.. bye2 to fast food and fatting food... i have to force myself to eat more veges and fruit... what i need the most is support from hubby, dad n friends... i know i can do it... insyallah... kalu berjaya, i will reward myself... ape dia?? rahsiaa... :)... pls doa for my success... wasalam

Adakah aku yang bersalah?

assalamualaikum... today, i felt so sad n stress... not of because thinking too much about pregnancy, but soo stress with my father's servant (yelah, maklumlah abah yang bayar gaji dia.. me n zam sekadar menumpang)... makin hari makin melampau betul dia nie... it all started since last friday... malam sebelum tu dah cakap kat dia hubby nak makan pau kacang for the next morning breakfast... sekali bgn2 pagi nampak dia buat nasik goreng and pau... laaa.. cakap la awal2 kalu nak buat menu sendiri... bole dia jawab " yelah, nasik semalam banyak. jadi saya buat la nasik goreng"... hishh minah nie... mentang2 la aku nie cuma anak boss, kau nak pinggirkan aku ya... kite marahkan dia pagi tu aje.. tapi dia punye merajuk 2 hari... chech!! yang paling tension is bila kite pulak kena sound ngan abah n hubby... abah siap kata kite yang terlampau marekan dia la... dah tu cara marah tu buat org lagi mare.. lerr... then, zam pulak kata my body language show that i'm so mad with her... eee... bukannya kite maki hamun dia.. cuma sekadar tegur tapi tegas... siap lepas pagi tu, kite tegur dia baik2 pun dia tak mo jawab.. lepas 2 3 kali panggil baru jawab... hati nie dah mula nak maki tapi sabooooo... hari ahad baru ok... then, today pulak dia buat hal lagi... semalam org suruh dia bakar roti baguette... dia pi potong 1/2... org tanye nape... dia kata "semalam saya dengar suruh potong dua"... eee bila pulak aku suruh!!! memandai ajeee... then, sebelum kuar pi kedai, siap 2 kali pesan kat dia.. "nanti udang saya potong ya".... 2 kali repeat tau!!! sekali balik2 dr kedai, aduh!! udang tu dah kodong kaki n kepala berlubang... arggghhhhhh.... sabo aje laa... hilang la kemanisan udang bapak ku beli... so ape lagi, aku pun cuba recall kat dia.. "kan saya kata biar saya potong"... may be tu kot, again she don't want to talk to me... tak bole terima cause masa tu kena tegur depan abah... sampaikan minum petang tadi, langsung tak tanye nak minum ape... emmm... adakah aku yng bersalah??? tah la.. lately nie servant abah nie asyik nak buat hal... ingat duduk rumah bole relak... makin tensen pulak ade... arghhhhh... nie dah sabo sesabonyaa.. tapi bak kata org sabo ade hadnya... yg paling mare bila org cakap ngan dia langsung dia buat derk.. baik cakap ngan dinding macam nie... eeeeee... rasa nak mula maki pun dah nie... tah laa.. nanti cakap kat abah n zam, last2 kite kena sound balik... baik pi sembahyang dulu laa.... wasalam...

Anak Oh Anak...

assalamulaikum.... tadi masa tengah teman abah minum petang, cuba selak paper utusan.. saja aje... just to check what's the hot news today... tetiba, ternampak satu interesting headline kat muka depan surat khabar kecik kat utusan - mega... "Kasih anak buangan".... sayu sangat bila baca artikel dia... tak sangka tetiba aje rasa teremotional... air mataq pun terkuar sikit... after reading the article, my opinion is baby nie sangat lah beruntung... walaupun mak n ayah dia tinggalkan dia kat umah org, keluarga angkat dia betul2 sayang kat dia... dia bak penyeri keluarga tu... lagilah bila ibu angkat dia dah 3 kali gugur.. sekali bila dia dtg ke family tu, alhamdulillah rezeki berlimpah ruah... ibu angkat mengandung 3 bulan.... rezeki keluarga bertambah... ya allah, sesungguhnya kaulah maha berkuasa lagi mengetahui... sungguh besar keagunganmu... satu lagi rasa touch sangat is naluri seorang yang bernama ibu.... betapa seorang ibu sayang and kasih bila tengok pada baby tu... sanggup dia and hubby dia susah payah nak dapat hak penjagaan baby tu... bila tengok muka baby, alahaiiii cutenya... semoga dia akan jadi seorang anak yang soleha satu hari nanti... :)... i'm speechless... semoga allah akan juga beri rezeki pada keluarga kami... selain dari usaha tradisional dan moden, kami akan senantiasa berdoa pada Nya... ya allah, kabullah permintaan kami... berilah kami zuriat yang sempura, soleh dan sehat... aminnn... wasalam...

amik lagi laa...

assalamualaikum.... pagi tadi macam biasa... sebelum zam pi kerja, he will drop me off to the hospital again.. today is the result day again... sampai kul 8.45am... i expect the doctor (since prof. hashim is not around today, so another relief malay women doctor has took over the task) will come around 9.00am to 9.30am... sekali dia dtg kul 10.15am... aduhhh!! lamanyaaa kena tunggu dia... sampai tertido kat sofa... nasib baik tak sampai tahap berdengkur.. kalu dak, gempak satu clinic dengar kite buat okestra... hehhee... then, nasib la baik kat clinic pun tak ramai org sangat... may be today is the sample day cause ramai hubby2 kena bagi sampel dia org... bilik berkat sure jam la pagi nie... he he he... again, i got the same answer... my result did npot show that i'm pregnant.. doctor pelik cause my telur banyak and zam punye sample pun good... nape tak ade persenyawaan ye?? siap tanye lagi kat doctor... "although perut saya dah betul2 tegang masa tu, still telur tak pecah ke?".. doctor tu pun tak tahu nak jawab... last2 dia kata "since there is no sign of bleeding since now, why don't we do another hcg test next week?"... emmm good answer to avoid complicated question... so next week, i need to met again the "vampire"... tu nurse tu kata hari senin jumpa vampire... haro selasa jumpa drakulla... she refer's to prof la tu.. ehehhehee... :) haiyoooo... muahhsss... wasalam

Injection & Shopping Day

assalamulaikum... as promised, i went to do my beta hcg test again today at 8.45am... in the morning, dad gave me a special cream to apply before the injection... he mentioned that this cream may help me to feel painless when taking injections... just apply to the position where the nurse aim to inject... so, i did told the nurse before she started to inject me.. however, she really surprised me when she say "puan, cream nie hanya effect lepas kite apply 1 hour sebelum amik inject"... huh!! what i remember the nurse at lv 7 hukm specialist applied the cream to my dad a minute before they inject him for blood test... emmm.. whatever laa.. i think i cann't run away with the pain.. however, this time is much much better... i think that this lady nur

Saving...

se is more experience that the last male nurse... sakit sikit2 aje... after the test, i heading back to home around 9.15am... may dad pity with me as i 'm so worry with the test result, he want me to accompany him to Great Eastern shopping mall... abah nak carik ape? jom la kite jalan2 kat cold storage beli benda2 nonsense.. hehehhe.. aikkk, macam tau2 aje anak nie gila jalan... hehhee... jgn di tolak rezeki yang datang... so, we went there around 11.30am... macam biasa, bila pegi supermarket macam2 nak beli... abah syok tengok daging lembu n ayam... siap beli ekor lembu tuk buat sup... wah!! plan ahead abah ku niee... lepas tu beli udang galah... wahh!! makan besar la kite org lepas nie... yg paling touch bila abah kata selagi aku ade duit, baik aku makan ngan anak n menantu aku... buat ape simpan duit, nanti org yang tak patut dpt duit aku yg enjoy... aku pun ape lagi la sokong diaa... last2 abah spend round rm300 just for grocery... beli tak la byk.. cuma harga daging mahal... for lunch, belanja abah nasik ayam kat chicken rice shop... we just tapau the food... for the first time ever, makan nasik ayam bole rasa kenyang gila sampai ke malam... nie pun rasa full sangat lagi... alahai, perut pun rasa tegang nie... wokey la.. got to go.. nak main games kat fb.. take care.. muahhss.. wasalam