Ouch!!! Not another test....

assalamualaikum... this morning, i went to the MAC clinic in HUKM alone... zam need to go to work... so, as he is on the way to his office, he drop me off at the clinic entrance at 8.30am.. sayu plus takut bila masuk clinic... sayu cause tengok org hubby ikut... i'm the "lone ranger".... then, rasa takut tu cause nak amik result test semalam... kecut gak rasa hati... 9.45am prof came.... 9.47am, my name was called... prof told me that my result is <1.2ml.. it shows that there is no fertility happened... what?? he was shocked too.. he paused... he advised me to do another beta HCG test again next week.. alahaii, nie yg lomah nie... kene cucuk lagi tak tahan nie... aduhhhh... baru tahu for pregnant levels, i need to achieve 2-5mlU/ml... wah!! lepas nie kena "work hard" to achieve that target... when i heard this news, i felt sad... terdetik dalam hati nie... nape la susah sangat nak mengandung nie... cuba pujuk hati nie "mungkin belum rezeki lagi kot"... hopefully, that it will show +ve result next week... insyallah.. kadang2 tu, terpikir juga nape la susah nak conceive... semua dah buat... cuma mungkin ade dosa2 yang allah belum ampunkan.. mungkin allah masih menguji hambanya... hanya allah saja yang tahu jawapannya... as for me now, what i have to do is to be strong... i have to believe to myself that i can do it... insyallah kalu ade rezeki, adalah tu... hanya allah yg tahu macam mana perasaan buat masa nie... it's hard for me to show in words... insyallah, i will never give up... selain dari usaha sendiri, i need to banyakkan doa dan zikir pada allah swt... mungkin dengan nie, kite akan selalu ingat padaNya... wasalam...